DEAR JEEP OWNER

Dear Jeep Owner,

I know that you own a jeep, and are therefore infinitely cooler than I. I recognize that you can literally feel the wind in your hair, something which I, a mere pedestrian, can never do. I understand that since you own a jeep, you get laid a helluva lot more than the rest of us.

But please, please, please, don't flaunt it. Don't hang your legs out of the car while you're driving. That's dangerous. Don't blast your music too loudly, as if to say, "You can hear my music because my car doesn't have walls." Don't dance to said music, as if to say, "You can see me dancing because my car doesn't have walls!"

Forever (Jealously) Yours,

Nicole